Now I’m back at this shit job, assisting other disables like me. It felt like a huge dream, being in this project. What does it all mean though? Who was I before I came into this and who am I now? How much will I remember after all of this…? After all these seemingly meaningless ups and downs that have culminated and became the sum of what I am now; standing here. I’ve become just this fleeting memory, this millimeter of paper space in historical, secretive documents that the government only has. I used to think that people in textbooks and documents like these would live forever — some cliche poem read over and over again. But now that I reflect upon it, these events haven’t really done any good for the world. Which was the whole point to begin with.

So here I am. This is what it has brought me too. The same fucking thing I was doing before. Except, maybe with a new mindsight and definitely a new outlook. But I’m not all for optimism because I’ve done it once, done it twice, and shit will always be hurled at you for no reason.

Reading these other diary entries just depresses the hell out of me. I’m no longer a masked hero, a scientific experiment gone well. A telepathic, a “Mum.” I was involved in a highly-funded governmental project that killed thousands, upon thousands of people over the years. And we’re supposed to keep these all to ourselves. Not like I have a choice about it anyway.

If I so happen to make a friend that signs (probably unlikely) and they ask me “what’s my story” or “what is your profession?” or whatever grab-bag, 101 question-game they throw at me, what would I say? Better yet, where the hell would I even start?

I think I will shrug, sign or write, “nothing really,” and move on.

But all of us are basically on hiatus until…well, until whenever. We’re supposed to be scheduled to have our powers “given back” tomorrow morning. Which means…which means we’ll all be ordinary and powerless. Once again. There’s been so much going on. I just don’t…don’t want to go back to the way I was.

It’s crazy to think that just a couple years ago we were just first being introduced to the powers we have now. All the comical fuck-ups. Ah, to be naive again. It’s strange — once the MIRACLES took off, there was no turning back. And I feel even after I eventually leave, it’ll always be there, lurking around the corner of my every thought.

The past couple days have been such a whirlwind. I don’t even know how to explain myself. Christmas rolled around and of course, we were off working. Well, not working according to the Director, but “protecting.” I don’t even know who the hell is protecting who from whom anymore. It’s all ludicrous. We really are just puppets and toys for a bigger, over-seeing, omnipresent, observer. But such is life.

I feel like I should just document everything I see and all of these millions of thoughts that I can read every second of every single day. It’s so incredibly difficult to be this presence in the world that holds so many things, so many secrets, so many…just…thoughts and keep them all hidden. I wish I could just run somewhere and scream at the top of my lungs. Things would never be the same. I could single-handedly change the face of social life as we all have come to accept in all of it’s uncomfortability.

The Enigma died tonight. And in a sense, so did all of us.

We’re on high alert and any MIRACLES (or anyone for that matter) who runs in contact with him is to kill him. I think they have some what an understanding that he’s working with some other people. But he’s the major threat because we’ve seen what this fool can do.

Me and Alexis were talking about it…I don’t think if either of us saw him on the street we’d go after him…

This may. May not. Last post. Who knows?

Escape attempt #2 from MIRACLES: successful. Fuckers.

Expecting to die. Oh well. Last display. Last protest. Last statement. Perhaps? If I die? I die.

But so does MIRACLES.

I’m all for one-on-ones but I am getting so sick of this assignment all together. MIRACLES gave me a new outfit today and it’s pretty cheesy. At least it’s a darkish maroon and not bright pink or something equally awful.

But as of now, they’re interrogating him or something. There was this rumor floating around that they were going to inject him with some antivirus to “cure” him — but that scares me on many, many levels. Weren’t MIRACLES the one who GAVE us our powres to begin with? And why now, of all times? Just because he had a little mishap? Okay, blowing up in the middle of a city isn’t a “little mishap,” but still — his powers were kind of a defected, failed experiment anyway. I don’t think he knows that though…

But we’re all trapped now; we all have to stay whether we like it or not; and this injection stuff…well, let’s just say I’m deathly afraid of needles.

I don’t know how I know this, but since we last saw him, I can just tell in his eyes that this group he’s in is helping him on some level. I mean, it would be just my imagination or something, but I was really nervous to hurt him, I guess? Does that even make sense? Alexis says that I might just feel guilty for having to be assigned to take out someone with no personal gain. I guess that makes sense.

I just couldn’t imagine if I were in his shoes. I mean, I think we all we a bit hesitant and left him to escape because we all felt uneasy about the realness of it all. That could’ve been us. In a way, we’re all the Enigma.

There’s been a series of bank robberies and people missing lately; MIRACLES is highly suspicious that it’s him. Who knows anymore. Alexis is starting to hate the politics of this program but is too afraid to leave. I don’t blame her at all.

This is such a weird post…I feel so…awakened by these things that are happening.

He was a real bitch, the Enigma. But damn, I was surprised about how much power that kid has. He’s a pretty tough foe. And the people he was with were pretty fucking strong too. A lot of us got hurt, quite a bit.

He ended up retreating, actually. But so did we…it was kind of this mutual throw-in-the-towel type thing. It was strange to go up against an ex-MIRACLES; it kind of made me realized that that could’ve been any of us. All 5 of us are a bit discombobulated at the moment and are to report to HQ to discuss what happened.

But god, it feels so fucking brilliant to be active, alive and well again. I’ve missed it so much. At this point, if we had to go try and kill my mother, I would still be pretty freaking excited.